Changes…that’s what I’m about…well that’s what life is about too. The other day I wrote about aphasia, what it is, how I am dealing with it and what it means to others dealing with it and where you go from here when you have it (or to simply explain what it is).

Life does change all the time, sometimes good things happen and sometimes bad things happen (trust me there has been good and bad over the past year). I think the most important thing to keep in mind is to tell people when you have some good news to tell them but it is also just as important to share the bad times with them, so you won’t feel alone or that you don’t have anyone to talk to.

It was important to me to share about what I have been feeling the last couple of weeks because it did feel like a hit a bit of a roadblock. That’s not to say that I have come far in the past 9 months but I wanted everyone to know I have come a long way but I still have a long way to go, and I may not be able to get back to where I was. And that’s ok too. It’s the changes I am going to make through this journey and how I approach them which are going to make the difference.

I like Pam's comment with her post “how do you eat an elephant…one bite at a time”! I want to say I love all of you who have come with me so far…and we will have to see what comes next!! (It helps to type it because I can’t always say what’s on my mind or verbalize it, although it takes me a looooooong time to type it these days also…another thing I have to work on!)

Today I went to my one on one therapy and then to my group therapy. It's my group therapy that was interesting today. Not that one in one therapy isn't interesting but my group therapy, Higher Level Aphasia, offered to me interesting feedback that I'm not sure is helpful or just acknowledges what I'm beginning to understand myself.

Aphasia can't be cure. That's all I have to say about it. There is no drug or surgery that can cure aphasia. The only thing I can do is use my remaining language ability or the class and teacher can help me overcome the communication problems. Hmmmmm.

What it mean's to me will be, I may never get back to the same way I used to be. It's not a big deal when talking among my family members or speak very hesitantly because I have to think about what I want to say. But it will impact me professionally and what I can anticipate as far as what I can do. I may not be able to talk on the phone to clients, I may not be able to participate in meetings because I can't think of what I want to say or the moment goes by too fast for me to get my head around it.

I'm not fast enough to speak to my old boss or my existing boss, or old co-workers without them waiting for me to find the right words or I simply say "uh huh" because I can't manage the things I would like to say. I do feel bad because I know they are waiting on me to respond or to say something funny or to share a thought.

It's frustrating to me not to speak or taking so long to think if I should even try to speak because it takes too long to figure out the words and if I can say it clearly. I'm not too sure.

The one thing I do know, is that it likely will never get back to where I thought it would be.