This is what I feel like the "healing" is for me.  I shared this photo with the High Level Aphasia group.  Many times it seems like I'm not getting anywhere - like with the figuring of addition and subtracting fractions.  BUT just when I think I can't do it - it comes to me (now it took a long time but it did come).  I know the doctor's and Sunlife check up until 2 years after the stroke, but it will take me longer to get back to what I was (and even then...who knows if I will get back to the same person I was before).

I am not the same person anymore - I have a brain injury now and it's very different!  I am really comfortable in my own skin and I don't like to have a lot of people around me.  That's different than before the stroke (BS as I like to call it 😉).  Even with me writing this blog, some people that I knew BS, don't want to read it.  I think it's because if they read it, they will have to admit that there is something "wrong" with me and that makes them uncomfortable.  It's okay though, because I can't "control them" or what they think of me now.

It will change my life forever.  I'm trying to accept that what ever comes my way...I will be fine (at least I keep telling myself that).  I don't like having a lot of people around me and I really don't like to call attention to myself.  In the summer, I like to sit outside (on the deck) and read.  When Richard comes home, we eat outside (when the weather is nice) and then watch television or I read some more.  It's quite wonderful!

I know I have spoken about going to Switzerland, to the wedding in Ontario (about four months after the stroke) and then we went to Anaheim this last January.  I really want to say, it was wonderful going but it is quite stressful when I have to go anywhere.  We have another wedding in August in London (UK 😕) and I am really not looking forward to it.  I must say though, I am looking forward to seeing the family and such but it will be very stressful again and it makes me feel very self-conscious with talking and stuff.  Even with everyone "helping" me to get there and trying to make me feel comfortable - well you know.  I just don't like all the strangeness when talking to new people and I ALWAYS tell whoever that I had a stroke so they know there are some things that it takes me a while to figure out.

I have to say one thing though, the family and the extended family 💞 have been (and will continue to be) WONDERFUL!!!  They are very helpful when I have to travel and they always ask if I'm doing alright or if I need to rest a bit or whatever.

It still frustrates me because I can't do the things I could before the stroke 😞), and that isn't changing, at least in the near future.  So I have to manage with it and ASK when I don't understand something and I also have to ask the people around me (whether they are family, friends or strangers) when I need help.