Good Days and Bad Days

So I’m sitting here thinking about the last couple of months, and now I’m wondering "What I do now?".

I gave my notice at my job a couple of weeks ago.  There were a number of reasons - they were really very slow on getting me the new software we were going to be switching to; some people were really not very good when I would ask them about certain items; I couldn't get answers when I needed to get them - and so on.  BUT the most basic reason is because I couldn’t remember the basic things.  I had to ask the woman responsible for my training, time and again how do I do certain things.  Now I realize some people need reminders (and that's fine because we are all getting a little older 😉), but mine were different...I had to constantly ask “how do I find things; how do I do this again; how do I do the filing or how are things filed” and so on.   Everyday it was the same questions that I had to ask...I made the adjustments - taking notes, I took items and photocopied them so I would remember the next time (but the next time I had to ask again to get clarification), I constantly had to go back to the notes to find out how I did things and WHY I did them.  The last three weeks I was at the job, I had terrible migraines - and I had to miss one day because I couldn't even get out of bed.  I finally went to the doctor because I thought something was wrong...and really, it was from the work...it was too much for me to cope with.

It was frustrating for me to give notice and really there may be one or two friends but aside from them, only my husband and my kids know I am not working now (well until I publish this blog).  People who know me and know what I used to be able to do - it is embarrassing to tell them, "I can no longer do the things that I used to be able to do (without even thinking)".  Sometimes, I will admit, it is due MY OWN embarrassment and other times they don't really know what I am going through or sometimes they don't really know what to say to me to keep me "thinking positive".  I'm here to tell everyone (who reads my blog 👌)...IT'S OKAY!!!  Sometimes I get down on myself but I always come back (some days it can take a little longer than others).

Also, and I have to say this (because I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me, it REALLY wasn't the right fit for me😃!  There isn't any one thing that led me to giving my notice, and I want to thank the company for hiring me but the one thing I definitely need to do - IS FIND THE RIGHT FIT FOR ME.  So if that means I have to go through a number of job opportunities - well that's what I have to do.  I'm old enough (but not too old 😏), to know that what fits is the most important thing to me.  It's not the money, or where I think I should be at with my skills or anything else; I have to find the position for me that will challenge me and will make me feel like a productive team member!

I filled out the paperwork to receive my LTD benefits through Revenue Canada...I still have a couple things I have to get before I can sent them in but WOW...if you would have told me five years ago I would be looking at this...well I would have laughed at you...but you know...you can never guarantee anything in life...well except for birth and death (just saying 😏).  So now as I sit here and I have given this "secret" away, what do I do now, comes up (again).

I am still doing my workbooks at home because there is no way I am getting better without doing them (big deal Grade 6 now), and I am taking a couple of computer courses through the Edmonton Public Library (Excel and keyboarding and then I will take Excel II and Word through EPL as well).  But at the end of August I meet with my speech therapist, Meg, for the last time.  There is not much more for her to do, I've come as far as I can.

I did get accepted to go to The Brain Centre to meet once a month with the Women's Group, so that's good news!  I also have a number of resources to look into with respect to getting some more skills back i.e., Toastmasters; Stroke Recovery Association of Edmonton and there are a number of places that I can volunteer with (I just have to find the right group to go through).  I guess what I am trying to say, is I'm still working on my recovery, but I suppose everyone is working on something 😀!