This post isn’t a rant or a poor me post either, but it’s a realization that I have come to and I think it will help me in the long run in my recovery from my stroke.

Almost a year ago I had the stroke. You can read about it on here because Richard posted about it and then I gradually got better and I posted some things too. I was thinking about the stroke and what it means to have a brain injury. I don’t think many people know that is what I have – a brain injury. I look the same (as people have told me), I talk the same (because I don’t talk too much outside of family or close friends because they know what I am struggling with) and I act the same. But there is a lot of things that aren’t the same.

The brain is a wonderful thing but when you suffer from a stroke, or an accident, aneurysm or even if you fall and knock yourself out then the brain has to relearn things a new way. Sometimes I may not seem clear because I can’t get my brain to say things or do things that I would have before the stroke. One thing that is painfully clear is that I have to be careful when I am in the kitchen cooking. I cut my finger when I was putting a bagel in the toaster. I didn’t even know I cut it because the pain receptors didn’t “flash” because I had the stroke. I got out the margarine to put on the bagel and touched my finger and then noticed something “wet” on it. It was bleeding and I couldn’t feel it. I also burnt my finger and again I couldn’t feel that it was burned.

I cry sometimes when I don’t even know why I am crying. And I laugh when I don’t know what I am laughing at. That’s what the brain injury means now. I can’t type very well, well not like I could before the stroke. And I have to look at the keys to make sure I have my fingers on the right keys. I have to use spell and grammar check because sometime I don’t remember how to spell.

I think probably the most frustrating thing about all of this is Sun Life called about once a month to check and see if I can return to work. Darlene from Sun Life doesn’t have a clue what I go through with 3 different therapies and the homework I am doing as well to make sure I can get back to work. I have long term disability payments until September of 2017. LONG TERM means I can take the time to learn all the skills that I need to get back to work but with the brain injury it may take a long time to get there. I can focus on Sun Life though because I have a lot to focus on with the therapy. But I do wish they would get people and Sun Life who have disabilities and can focus on what can they do to make it easier to get back to work. Whether it be 1 month or 2 years (sometimes I don’t even know if I will ever get back to “normal”).

One thing I would encourage everyone who reads this is that if they can get onto Netflix they should watch a documentary title My Beautiful Broken Brain. I watched it and I even recommended to my Memory Group and my Aphasia Group to watch it. It will explain a lot of what I am going through and what a lot of people who have a brain injury go through.