A New Position...

It's been about a couple of months now since I've written something here.   I did go to Houston to visit my friend, Sonia.  Also Ramona and Denise were there at the same time.  I was so very good to see all of them.  Ramona and Denise stayed for four days and I stayed for six days.  The weather was gorgeous and there were a lot of laughs while we were there.

I also did get a job with Veratis but before everyone get's all excited, I did give my notice for a couple of reasons, after about a month at it.  The first was I had to speak a lot the people and really that has changed since I've had my stroke.  It is very difficult at times, and with the problems I have finding words (yes, I even had a script to follow and I practiced it quite a lot), but really I couldn't get past it.  Also, I believe a different person would be better able to support the woman in charge.  But it was a good experience and I'm not going to find anything unless I get out there and try different jobs.

Now I started a part-time position with Raven Truck Accessories as an accounts payable clerk.  I believe this is the position for me...at least for now!!!  It is part-time, so I can keep seeing my therapist at the Glenrose; and I will also be able to go to The Brain Centre for some more courses.  I work Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday from 9:00 am to 3:00 pm, which is perfect for me as well.  There isn't much telephone work, that is a good thing, again because I have a challenge with it sometimes.  They are getting a new software system in the beginning of May, and I will get all the training I need so I can be successful.  So wish me luck 😊.

There are things that are proving to be a bit of a challenge to me because of the stroke.  My language and math aren't where they used to be.  I know I have repeatedly told everyone on here, but it does frustrate me so very much.  I was looking on Pinterest and found the diagram at the start of this post.  These are the things I have trouble with and I will from now on.  Again, I think other people have a bit of trouble processing that I will never be the same person I was before I had the stroke, and that is very difficult for some people to get over.  But I can't help it, so I would hope that we can find some way for BOTH of us to adjust and continue on with this journey.

The one thing that this cartoon brought to my attention, was that I am aware of the deficits - sometimes I think it would have been "better" to have the stoke impact my Right CVA, because likely I wouldn't "know" about the deficits and really that would have it's advantage as well.  But you have to take was is dealt to you (I'm not going to get into THAT right now 😉).  But I am dealing with it, some times more positive that other times - but that's okay too!

Things Are Different Now

I have realized over the past couple of months, I have to accept life has changed for me (and for Richard Makarowski). It is coming up three years since I have had the stroke. When I think back, boy was I really quite silly to think, in a couple of weeks I'll be back the way I was before the stroke. I didn't realize (now you have to remember I couldn't walk, I couldn't get out more than a word or two and I couldn't even access my I-phone because I couldn't remember the password to unlock the screen), that it would take me this long to get back to some form or normalcy.

I really have to thank my family and friends for sticking by me (all of you), because I don't think I could have survived with out you. It is really difficult to say, but the past couple of months have been difficult because I really didn't want to talk to anyone and I certainly didn't want to have anyone over because I have change. I can't go back to the way I was before, because my mind doesn't work the same way. Gone are the days when I could figure out Excel spreadsheets, talk to people (because now I have to really think of the words I want to say), the typing is difficult because I really have to read the words to make sure they make sense. It has really changed everything for me.

I have to say thank you to Traci Camplin Christenson, because with out her, I wouldn't have been about to keep my Real Estate license, so THANK YOU 👍. I also have to thank the Makarowski's because without all of you, well I don't know what I would have done 😉. From all the travelling we didn't over the past couple of years, it was difficult for me to keep up but you guys were there to support me in any way you could. My dear sister-in-law, Rayan Makarowski, you came to our house for your treatment but I can't say enough, how much you helped me just by being here, I love you and you can stay anytime. Michelle Berg and Kimberly Schick-Puddicombe, the two of you have helped me with simply talking when I needed to (Kimberly Schick-Puddicombe had a brain injury too, so it was nice to chat with her because she actually knew what I was going through). Noreen Muth-Hayden, you helping me with the questions I had about becoming an independent contract (and I probably will still have questions 🙄). And I definitely have to thank Terry Churchill Makarowski, you are my strength when everything seems to be going no where (or really, really slow and when I just have to complain about everything without judging me 🙂).

I was at the Glenrose, with my speech therapist, Megan Petryk, and she said something that makes sense to me now, "I am not the only one changing, everyone around me has to accept I am different now. If they can't, it doesn't mean that there is something wrong with me, it just means they can't accept the way I am now, and that's okay too".

Have a wonderful Sunday afternoon and happy birthday to Jackson Makarowski (you definitely make me laugh, in a good way)!

Another New Year!

Well, it's a New Year and I'm still recovering from my stroke.  I haven't written anything for the last two months.  There are a number of reasons, some involve other people and some were just me feeling down about plateauing in my recovery.  But again, this is a journey and I can't expect to be 100% with my moods all the time.  This may be a lengthy post, but there is really a lot to say.

I'm still not working.  That is quite depressing for me because a lot of myself was because of my work.  I loved being a Property Manager, and the fact is (at least right now), I can't go back into the field that I love so much. So I have to look for something that is rewarding for me AND something that doesn't cause me too much stress.  Sounds easy, right?  WRONG!!!  I have drafted (and redrafted and redrafted, again) my resume.  The problem is that I can't work very well with the public after about 2:00 or 3:00 pm, because I get tired and then I have a lot of trouble finding words.  That is a HUGE problem for me, because I enjoy working with the public.  Most people don't, but I do!  The funny thing is though, when I am at home, vacationing and things like that, I like my solitude 😊.  I like spending time by myself or with my immediate family.  I have a few friends, but there aren't a lot of people that I hand around with.  Now some people may say, "That's since you've had the stroke".  But it's not, I like doing things with a small group of people even before I had the stroke.

I really have to make an effort to keep in contact with people now, because it can be hard to find words and I really feel I don't have a lot to contribute because I am at home and most of my friends were from the office.  But I have to try, so this year, I am going to make the effort to speak to my friends on the phone and I will make the effort to go out to lunch/supper or even just a coffee to keep up with them.  Also, it can be hard because I was the one who supported people when they were feeling low and needed help with something.  It is hard when the shoe is on the other foot.  So I have to talk the them and explain when I am feeling down or discouraged, so that they can help.

I have finished all the courses that the Glenrose has to offer, so just before Christmas, I went to the Brain Care Centre.  Now most people won't think that's too big of a deal, but can I just say, it was a big deal to me.  It is a big deal because, and I have said it before, the stroke caused me to have a brain injury...it won't get better...and that's what I have to deal with now.  It has taken me a long time to actually admit it to myself.  The Brain Care Centre has a lot of options, so now I've had the initial interview and they will contact me this month to come in and get started (hopefully) on finding something in the "job world", that I can do.  I am really looking forward to meeting some more with them.  There are also other resources:

Canadian Council on Rehabilitation and Work (www.ccrw.org)
EmployAbilities (www.employabilities.ab.ca)
BGS Career and Corporate Development (Facebook BGSCareerandCorporateDevelopment)

Thank goodness for all of these because at least I know I have other places I can go to find something that I can do to get back into the work place.

So some of my "goals" for this New Year are to:

1.  Continue doing my "home work" at home to improve my skills (interpersonal and professional skills),

2.  I will continue (I have to get back into this once is warms up a little) to make the effort to speak to people, over the phone or in person, because it really isn't very good to keep to yourself too much,

3.  I will continue to look for a job, but I won't settle for just anything.  I want to work with the public in whatever way I can,

4.  And I will try (very hard 😏) to continue writing in my blog, even when I am feeling down or discouraged, because it is important that I continue in this journey and sharing it with anyone who wants to read it 👍!!!!

Well that's all for now, take care and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

This post isn’t a rant or a poor me post either, but it’s a realization that I have come to and I think it will help me in the long run in my recovery from my stroke.

Almost a year ago I had the stroke. You can read about it on here because Richard posted about it and then I gradually got better and I posted some things too. I was thinking about the stroke and what it means to have a brain injury. I don’t think many people know that is what I have – a brain injury. I look the same (as people have told me), I talk the same (because I don’t talk too much outside of family or close friends because they know what I am struggling with) and I act the same. But there is a lot of things that aren’t the same.

The brain is a wonderful thing but when you suffer from a stroke, or an accident, aneurysm or even if you fall and knock yourself out then the brain has to relearn things a new way. Sometimes I may not seem clear because I can’t get my brain to say things or do things that I would have before the stroke. One thing that is painfully clear is that I have to be careful when I am in the kitchen cooking. I cut my finger when I was putting a bagel in the toaster. I didn’t even know I cut it because the pain receptors didn’t “flash” because I had the stroke. I got out the margarine to put on the bagel and touched my finger and then noticed something “wet” on it. It was bleeding and I couldn’t feel it. I also burnt my finger and again I couldn’t feel that it was burned.

I cry sometimes when I don’t even know why I am crying. And I laugh when I don’t know what I am laughing at. That’s what the brain injury means now. I can’t type very well, well not like I could before the stroke. And I have to look at the keys to make sure I have my fingers on the right keys. I have to use spell and grammar check because sometime I don’t remember how to spell.

I think probably the most frustrating thing about all of this is Sun Life called about once a month to check and see if I can return to work. Darlene from Sun Life doesn’t have a clue what I go through with 3 different therapies and the homework I am doing as well to make sure I can get back to work. I have long term disability payments until September of 2017. LONG TERM means I can take the time to learn all the skills that I need to get back to work but with the brain injury it may take a long time to get there. I can focus on Sun Life though because I have a lot to focus on with the therapy. But I do wish they would get people and Sun Life who have disabilities and can focus on what can they do to make it easier to get back to work. Whether it be 1 month or 2 years (sometimes I don’t even know if I will ever get back to “normal”).

One thing I would encourage everyone who reads this is that if they can get onto Netflix they should watch a documentary title My Beautiful Broken Brain. I watched it and I even recommended to my Memory Group and my Aphasia Group to watch it. It will explain a lot of what I am going through and what a lot of people who have a brain injury go through.