Changes…that’s what I’m about…well that’s what life is about too. The other day I wrote about aphasia, what it is, how I am dealing with it and what it means to others dealing with it and where you go from here when you have it (or to simply explain what it is).

Life does change all the time, sometimes good things happen and sometimes bad things happen (trust me there has been good and bad over the past year). I think the most important thing to keep in mind is to tell people when you have some good news to tell them but it is also just as important to share the bad times with them, so you won’t feel alone or that you don’t have anyone to talk to.

It was important to me to share about what I have been feeling the last couple of weeks because it did feel like a hit a bit of a roadblock. That’s not to say that I have come far in the past 9 months but I wanted everyone to know I have come a long way but I still have a long way to go, and I may not be able to get back to where I was. And that’s ok too. It’s the changes I am going to make through this journey and how I approach them which are going to make the difference.

I like Pam's comment with her post “how do you eat an elephant…one bite at a time”! I want to say I love all of you who have come with me so far…and we will have to see what comes next!! (It helps to type it because I can’t always say what’s on my mind or verbalize it, although it takes me a looooooong time to type it these days also…another thing I have to work on!)

Today I went to my one on one therapy and then to my group therapy. It's my group therapy that was interesting today. Not that one in one therapy isn't interesting but my group therapy, Higher Level Aphasia, offered to me interesting feedback that I'm not sure is helpful or just acknowledges what I'm beginning to understand myself.

Aphasia can't be cure. That's all I have to say about it. There is no drug or surgery that can cure aphasia. The only thing I can do is use my remaining language ability or the class and teacher can help me overcome the communication problems. Hmmmmm.

What it mean's to me will be, I may never get back to the same way I used to be. It's not a big deal when talking among my family members or speak very hesitantly because I have to think about what I want to say. But it will impact me professionally and what I can anticipate as far as what I can do. I may not be able to talk on the phone to clients, I may not be able to participate in meetings because I can't think of what I want to say or the moment goes by too fast for me to get my head around it.

I'm not fast enough to speak to my old boss or my existing boss, or old co-workers without them waiting for me to find the right words or I simply say "uh huh" because I can't manage the things I would like to say. I do feel bad because I know they are waiting on me to respond or to say something funny or to share a thought.

It's frustrating to me not to speak or taking so long to think if I should even try to speak because it takes too long to figure out the words and if I can say it clearly. I'm not too sure.

The one thing I do know, is that it likely will never get back to where I thought it would be.

Finishing some homework from last week's therapy - finding words in sentences, subjects and thinking of what I did last week to share with the group.

Things still take a while (naming different types of metals) but some things are coming quickly to mind (pieces of furniture).

I need to spend a lot of time typing (speed and accuracy and spelling mistakes) but it is coming back. I'm not sure I will be as fast as I was (but who needs to be that fast at my age 😏).

Also need to work on my writing but most of my "writing" was type written but still need to practice. But a lot of things are coming back and that's a good thing for sure!

Nine months ago I had a stroke and life changed for me and my whole family. Keep in mind, that I didn't know what was really going on (in my head things were normal). Much to my surprise, I lost my right side mobility, I couldn't say anything but "hi ya" and couldn't even hold a pen, brush or anything like that.

It has been a long road, and I want to thank everyone that has supported me, but also need to say, there's a long way to go.

I can't do basic math without a calculator and figuring it out. English skills are very limited right now because it takes me some time to figure out what I want to say. Discussions with Richard and the kids are time consuming because I can't speak fast, and in this day and age, you have to speak quickly to get your point across.

I'm not comfortable to travel alone, because I can get lost in the airport not to mention I am quite slow since the stroke. I used to be a property manager for almost 20 years, so much of the job is communication and budgets and site visits, I know there is no way today I could even touch the job I used to do.

People say I am more quiet today than before, that's because I have to think about what I'm going to say and how it will come across. Richard says I seem angry sometimes but I'm not, the emotions are disconnected at times. It feels like I have no emotion but at other times the emotions are very extreme.

I used to love music, now I can't even have the radio on because it clutters my thinking. Piano - guess not - I can't formulate the notes to make sense.

There is a lot to do before I am even part way to what I used to be, and the reality is, I may never get back to 100%, so I will continue to go to therapy and do the very best that I can, and hopefully I will get there (or as close to it) as I can.

Aphasia- (uh fay' zhuh) affects the ability to use language.

May find it difficult to:

Speak
Read
Write
Understand speech

I didn't know what it meant before the stroke 😃. It looks like this will take some time to work through it and find other techniques to help me.

Well another hurdle done, I got my license back today!! At least I can get to my doctors appointments without trying to have someone who can get me there.

It has been a bit since I've written so thought I'd let you all know how I'm doing.

My status has slowed down now since my stroke. Still doing my therapy at home and will return to out patient therapy in January. It will be a long road to go to recovery. Still can't drive which makes it seem harder in the winter and I don't feel like going out now that it has gotten colder outside.

There is still some difficulty communicating but I'm persevering but I do find it hard at night as I get more tired the words don't come easy as they do early in the day. I have to be careful if we decide to go out, to go to quiet places without a lot of background noise so I can focus on what is going on around me.

Other than that, things are good. Still keeping Auntie Joy in my prayers as she is not doing so well but she still is staying faithful and when I do talk to her, well you can imagine me with language barriers and her with pain medication how weird we must sound!