It's Heart & Stroke Month

It is that time of year again, February is the Heart and Stroke funding campaign.  I didn't think much about it, before I had the stroke.  Now, it's a little different.  My husband will be out and about in our neighborhood to see if people will give to this cause, and I hope he does very well at it.

I know, there are a lot of charities that everyone gives to, so if you can, please remember this one when people come to your door to give.  That's all I've got to say 👍.

The past couple of month's have been some what difficult for me, because of a number of things.  But I'm really trying to make a difference; I am talking to people that I sort of cut out of my life for a bit; I am back on the hunt for a part-time job (so if you hear of anything...😉) and I am going down to Texas, in March, to see my friend, Sonia (Ramona and Denise are going down there as well).  I am also making a concerted effort to go for lunch or coffee with the people I was trying to avoid, due to my stroke.

I have to realize that yes, things have changed with me, BUT my friends are around me and I believe (actually I know 😮), I have told enough people about my stroke, the difficulties I have now and the fact that I have plateaued. Everyone just wants me to talk to them, if I am going through a tough time.  It is so important to keep the lines of communication open and that means through the good time 😊AND bad times 😟.  So if there is anyone that I have seemed to mistreat or I have seemed to "disappear" from, I am so sorry and I hope you can forgive me for not speaking or talking to you.

Another New Year!

Well, it's a New Year and I'm still recovering from my stroke.  I haven't written anything for the last two months.  There are a number of reasons, some involve other people and some were just me feeling down about plateauing in my recovery.  But again, this is a journey and I can't expect to be 100% with my moods all the time.  This may be a lengthy post, but there is really a lot to say.

I'm still not working.  That is quite depressing for me because a lot of myself was because of my work.  I loved being a Property Manager, and the fact is (at least right now), I can't go back into the field that I love so much. So I have to look for something that is rewarding for me AND something that doesn't cause me too much stress.  Sounds easy, right?  WRONG!!!  I have drafted (and redrafted and redrafted, again) my resume.  The problem is that I can't work very well with the public after about 2:00 or 3:00 pm, because I get tired and then I have a lot of trouble finding words.  That is a HUGE problem for me, because I enjoy working with the public.  Most people don't, but I do!  The funny thing is though, when I am at home, vacationing and things like that, I like my solitude 😊.  I like spending time by myself or with my immediate family.  I have a few friends, but there aren't a lot of people that I hand around with.  Now some people may say, "That's since you've had the stroke".  But it's not, I like doing things with a small group of people even before I had the stroke.

I really have to make an effort to keep in contact with people now, because it can be hard to find words and I really feel I don't have a lot to contribute because I am at home and most of my friends were from the office.  But I have to try, so this year, I am going to make the effort to speak to my friends on the phone and I will make the effort to go out to lunch/supper or even just a coffee to keep up with them.  Also, it can be hard because I was the one who supported people when they were feeling low and needed help with something.  It is hard when the shoe is on the other foot.  So I have to talk the them and explain when I am feeling down or discouraged, so that they can help.

I have finished all the courses that the Glenrose has to offer, so just before Christmas, I went to the Brain Care Centre.  Now most people won't think that's too big of a deal, but can I just say, it was a big deal to me.  It is a big deal because, and I have said it before, the stroke caused me to have a brain injury...it won't get better...and that's what I have to deal with now.  It has taken me a long time to actually admit it to myself.  The Brain Care Centre has a lot of options, so now I've had the initial interview and they will contact me this month to come in and get started (hopefully) on finding something in the "job world", that I can do.  I am really looking forward to meeting some more with them.  There are also other resources:

Canadian Council on Rehabilitation and Work (www.ccrw.org)
EmployAbilities (www.employabilities.ab.ca)
BGS Career and Corporate Development (Facebook BGSCareerandCorporateDevelopment)

Thank goodness for all of these because at least I know I have other places I can go to find something that I can do to get back into the work place.

So some of my "goals" for this New Year are to:

1.  Continue doing my "home work" at home to improve my skills (interpersonal and professional skills),

2.  I will continue (I have to get back into this once is warms up a little) to make the effort to speak to people, over the phone or in person, because it really isn't very good to keep to yourself too much,

3.  I will continue to look for a job, but I won't settle for just anything.  I want to work with the public in whatever way I can,

4.  And I will try (very hard 😏) to continue writing in my blog, even when I am feeling down or discouraged, because it is important that I continue in this journey and sharing it with anyone who wants to read it 👍!!!!

Well that's all for now, take care and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

This is a post I have been putting off for a little bit now, mostly because I don’t like to admit to myself (or others) that there’s anything wrong.  Now don’t get me wrong, I have come a long way since the first day that I had the stroke.  But the fact is, I still have a long way to go (and quite frankly), I will never be the way I was before the stroke.  I don’t want to say I suffer from depression, because I don’t suffer from it all the time, but it comes and goes these days because I’ve hit a plateau with my recovery.

It is a lot to deal with, and I don’t like to talk about it with just anyone because every time I am feeling down and I do talk about it, the other person “looks on the bright side”.  There is NOTHING wrong with that, but sometimes, I think, you have to look at the facts and again, I will never be the same person I was before the stroke.  Now I think the “answer” to get through this is you have to go through the phases of grief before you can move on.

So that is why I am reading this book entitled, “The Grief Recovery Handbook”.  I got a copy because I read about it on a friend's posts.  Really, that has what has happened to me and I never really did “grieve” about it.  I was so focused on “getting better”, and now I am realizing you don’t get better from a brain injury – and that is something to grieve about.

I’m just trying to figure out where and how do I move on from this “head space”.  I really have to say (yes, again J), that you all have been wonderful with your comments and you support of me through this time in my life…so thank you so very much (and hopefully) I will come to accept what has happened and I’ll be back to the “hybrid” of me J.

Another long time since I've written in here.  Well I was employed for six weeks (yep, that's all), I gave my notice two weeks ago for a few reasons:

1.  Talking on the phone was challenging and especially later in the day;

2.  There wasn't much for me to do throughout the day, the work was off and on - I think it would have worked out better for me if I could have worked part-time;

3.  It really was too much for me since I've had the stroke (and that took me by surprise and it's discouraging for me to admit to myself and to all of you 😢).

Once I got in the position, it really became obvious to me that things really aren't the way they're supposed to be since the stroke.  I had to constantly write down EVERYTHING, because I couldn't remember simple things in Word, Excel, Access and even email. When my supervisor would show me something, I had to ask her again (and again, etc. - well you know what I mean).  This was very difficult for me because before the stroke people would come to me and ask me how to do things...now it was really difficult for me to even remember what I had to do.

So I've had to really think about what and how much I can do now.  The first thing is - really I can only work part-time because quite simply I get too tired and I can't focus on things later in the day.  The other thing is - I have to look for a job the doesn't require me to speak for a long period of time - again, my speech starts to slur and I can't find the words I need to, to communicate to others.

Again, I have a brain injury and life has changed drastically for me.  I thought it would go back to the way I was...I won't any more and I have to get used to that.  I have my husband and family around me...I'm so thankful of that.  But I can't sit at home because it frustrates me with the kids gone and there's only so much I can do around here.  So if anyone knows of something I could do i.e., volunteer work, working part-time in the morning...send me your suggestions...I could use them...

It has been a little while since I have blogged but there have been a few things going on and I believe I have to write about them.

I went for the psychology evaluation and I got the results back 😕.  I can't go back to work full time because I still have delays processing things and they want me to continue working with Megan for the aphasia.  BUT I can going back to work on a part-time basis, so that is really good.

Now I have been going to job interviews and I was offered one job, but I turned it down mostly because it was the first interview I went on and I hadn't checked out any others.  I have another job interview this afternoon, and I'm going to see what it's like.  I believe I am capable of working full time and I am going to see if that is true (so wish me luck)!

I have finished my High Level Aphasia so now I just have my one-on-one therapy sessions with Megan on Thursday.  I believe I will continue with them even if I have a job (well I'm going to negotiate that when I get a job offer 👍).  I am working really hard at the homework every day, the only way I am going to get better is to keep on working at things...and one of the things is this blog.

I can't believe it is August already, time sure flies.  We have a wedding in London, England and I would like to go to Brooks one more time before the summer is over (don't know when) and then it is September.  If I don't get the job today, I'm still going to search for something that I can do in property management.  I believe that is the best route that I should take mostly because I am familiar with it and there are lots of contacts I have to make sure I am successful.

(June 2015)

The first thing I have to do is thank everyone who came to see me in the Grey Nun's hospital after my stroke.  I couldn't talk very well (and I couldn't process many things in my head either), but I will NEVER forget people that came to visit me!  Even my friend Sonia flew here from Houston, Texas, because she had to see me for herself to make sure I was going to be okay.  So thank you!!!

I'm not sure exactly what date it was but I do know it was a Tuesday and I also know I got to have my first shower, ALONE, at the Grey Nun's hospital.  Now that may not seem like a big deal to any of you who haven't been in a wheelchair and before that, had no use of your right (or left) side.  It was amazing!!!!  The only "bad" thing about it, the bathrooms don't have any fans in side them in the hospital - so when I got out of the shower - I was so light headed!  I had to sit down in the wheelchair because I thought I was going to pass out.  But again - it was wonderful!!

Once I was showered, the nurse let me know I was going to the Glenrose for the next part of my rehab and I had about an hour to pack all my stuff up before an ambulance would take me there.  The nurse said they would take care of calling Richard and another nurse came in to help me pack.  My right arm was getting stronger but I couldn't pack very well - but I was ready to get out of the Grey Nun's and to get underway with my rehab.

Let me tell you - it was great to get outside (yes, even in an ambulance ride)!  I got to the Glenrose sometime in the afternoon.  I got into a private room for a couple of days because I had to meet with different therapists to map out what I couldn't do.  It was strange for the first night that I stayed there - because once I was in bed, there was an alarm that would go off when I had to get a drink or go the bathroom.  Now, I know why, but at the time I was quite puzzled by this.  Also, I was in a "locked" wing of the hospital.  Again, I didn't know then, but a stroke is a brain injury and it can hamper the way you look at things and how you process things (like getting back to your room after a day of therapies).

I had to always go out with one of my therapists for each session and they would return me back to my room after - I didn't realize I would get lost if someone didn't come back with me.  It was really like starting over from a beginner for everything.  I didn't need the wheelchair anymore, I graduated to a walker - so that was nice.  But I couldn't write anything so I had a bunch of photocopies that I could do with cursive writing techniques.  I finally got to go to my therapies by myself after one of my therapists took me around the hospital and asked me to find the cafeteria, the lobby, the physical therapists room and so forth.  It was great to go to my therapies by myself and I could get back to the wing I was in and everything.  It is really amazing the things that you take for granted because "that's just they way it is"...until you have to go back to the "beginning".

I had to go to a physical therapist so that I could use my legs properly.  Again, it's like starting all over again.  I would have to have a rope belt around my waist and the therapist would hold on to it so I wouldn't lose my balance.  But I wasn't going to let anything stand in my way - I NEEDED to  get back to way I was before the stroke - and that was that!

I had two different types of speech therapists that I would play games with like Scattergories and Scrabble.  It was very difficult because I could "see" the word in my head but I couldn't verbalize what I wanted to say.  It was going to take me a little longer (no, I didn't know I would still be struggling today - two years later).  This is something I still have to work on, make notes and I can't come down on myself when I get tired or I can't find the words I need to say (Aphasia 😉...I've used the word enough that everyone knows about it)!

Now again, I have to say, the nurses and all the therapist's were WONDERFUL at the Glenrose!!!  Even now, I am taking High Level Aphasia and they are so good to everyone...so again, thank you!

Now I have suppose I should start my homework (grade 5 and 6 levels now) - so I will write some more in at few days about the Glenrose!

#glenrose  #surviving  #brain injury  #stroke

I have been suffering for a couple of weeks now with feeling a little depressed since having the stroke.  Now I know, it's not as bad as some people that I have come into contact at the Glenrose, but sometimes (more often that not) I can't help but compare what I could do before the stroke to what I can do now...and it bums me out.

I know for a fact, right now, I can't go back to work in the old capacity I did before the stroke.  It really frustrates me!  Some people say "who cares, don't go back to work".  That's okay for them to say but I loved work and I loved the job as well...now I have to look for something different with less stress and something that takes into consideration that I can't talk as well or even type as well as I used to.

I am trying to look at things in a positive way, but some times it can be hard.  I see the doctor in the middle of June to get the final assessment from the Glenrose and that will be that.  I think it maybe just because it's been two years since having the stroke but with the reading I have done - the brain keeps healing and it will be longer that two years for me to get back to a semblance of "normal".

Now that's all I've got to say about that because I need to think positively to get back to the way I was before the stroke - upwards and on wards!👍